vzxy:

Quite possible the greatest tweet ever written. 

Didn’t anyone ever tell you you shouldn’t touch your face? Smh

flannelbuttphenomenon:

life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.”  months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo, stare off into the distance and whisper with a tremulous voice the poor excuse for truth your subconscious has been fighting for its entire insignificant existence: “everything is temporary.”

  • how to stop time: kiss
  • how to travel in time: read
  • how to escape time: music
  • how to feel time: write
  • how to waste time: social media

pileofmonkeys:

I have waited tables. I’ve worked in bars. You know who tips well? The working poor, the lower middle class, and people who work or have worked in service industries. You know who tips shitty or not at all? Rich people, upper middle class people, and privileged fuckers who use their “moral opposition” to tipping to be cheap assholes. 

notexactlyhim:

I love this the dog is like awkwardly wagging his tail like he’s happy but doesn’t really know what’s going on I love this so much

I like to play this game with my car to see how long I can go without refilling the tank until I think the car is going to stop in the middle of the road

ejactoolate:

prayforprada:

im loving this concept

what about queefs

anakistarsong:

zing-noir:

River otters at the Zoological & Botanical Garden in Ichikawa, Japan

omg the last one he pops up ahjfskghfagskjfkhdjs ahahaha

This is what heaven looks like…